Family violence restraining orders in Connecticut

What just happened in the Southington murder – suicide  tragedy is causing people to question whether our laws need to be revised to prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

I spend my professional life helping people deal with family law issues.  There may be some changes that might make our domestic relations family violence laws more effective.  But in my view the problem is not with the substantive and procedural provisions of the law.

Rather, the law is too often misused or not used until it is too late.

If a person feels threatened and in fear of imminent physical danger from a family member or a person with whom they are in a close relationship the state Superior Court clerk’s office will assist you in seeking an immediate restraining order requiring the other party to leave the home immediately.  This is done ex parte, that is, without the other party having  knowledge or participating in the process.  The local police are notified and a state marshal serves the order upon the party who must leave at once and must honor the order to stay away from the protected party.  Failure to do so is a criminal felony. 

 The law has some pretty sharp teeth and people go to jail frequently for violating this order.  So what’s the problem?

First of all, it does not work well if mental illness or substance abuse is present.  No legal order will mean much to someone who is unable to think and reason clearly.

Second, it does not work well if the abusive party has a lengthy history of such behavior.  Generally over time there is a gradual escalation in the degree of abuse.  A paper order might stop a first time abuser from repeating, but it is not so effective after multiple episodes.

Third, I have seen too many cases where a victim exaggerates the threat to get the other removed from the home as a way to “teach him a lesson”.  The courts and police  quickly learn who the people are who “cry wolf”  falsely and abuse the legal process.  When the day comes that there is a real threat,  their credibility is so damaged that they will not be taken seriously. 

Finally, too often victims will want to give the abuser “one more chance”.  They are afraid to break up the household  even on a temporary basis and are fearful about asserting their rights.  Physical abuse or threats are NEVER acceptable.  Seek help from a professional third party: police, a family therapist, and family law attorney.  Don’t trust your own judgment!